Do you have a God given calling or purpose that you haven’t answered and it just won’t let you go? Why is it that you won’t answer the calling? I am Xhosa and I know of many people that when they are going to be isangomas they must answer the calling. Well one of my God given talents is that of writing I used to enjoy writing orals and for a moment as a teenager I fancied myself a songwriter, short story novelist and even screenwriter. Most of these writings have never seen the light of day and the others my dearest friends have read and loved, I suspect they loved the writer more. I used to admire the talented writers (shout out to Anita Kolele) who were my peers and was so impressed with their bravery of letting people in and not minding them walk all over their most inner sanctity. Every time I would applaud them a small voice would say to me “but you have the same gifting why aren’t you using it?”
So here is the final push over the ledge, something that came to me as I was journaling about how happy writing makes me.
I need to write ……
I need to write my mind is filled with distant places and people who want to be written about, they are waiting for me. I keep on saying, I will come but you see I am easily distracted. The different stories keep on coming and they have become tired of waiting for me, so they pop in my dreams and invade my reality. Right in the middle of lunch a character will tug at my hand and say write about me, I too want to be in the sun. I too want to know how my story begins and ends.
But alas I snap back into life and they become a distant whisper, a nagging thought that I cannot let go of. Then days pass sometimes days turn into months then the worst is when they becomes years. It is the greyest of times in my life, feeling like I have lost a part of me that I cannot seem to remember where I put it or worse yet what it is.
Till I find myself with a pen in hand and I start writing then I cannot stop as the stories all start pouring out you see they all want to be captured. They sing and dance across the pages as they finally feel the sun’s rays and get to share their time in the sun.
How do I feel you might wonder oh I feel blissful, I feel serene I feel emotions that cannot be explained or have no words but a feeling I know other writers have experienced. The surge and pull of having life at your fingertips, I wake up from my writing frenzy as if a load has been lifted off of me. I feel light , my soul dances and whilst in that moment comes a little girl and dances with me , holds my hand and tugs at my heart and she whispers “write about me, give me a name”. We both dance in the fresh air enjoy the moment before I sit again and write
As always I am grateful for the true gift you give me, your time. Do you have a passion or calling that you have been ignoring? let me know I would love to hear from you.