August was a pretty hectic month for me not just work wise but also personally. I have a cousin who had preeclampsia by the grace of God baby was fine but the mom had to stay in hospital for three weeks. They are both finally home but I have to admit hospital visits are exhausting. So I have been drained from all ends, at a coffee meet up with a business partner of mine, he took one look at me and he said you are fatigued and you need rest. Firstly I was offended all that face beat and he could still see through it? Some makeup companies are in need of a heavy worded letter from me, secondly I didn’t even argue with him, didn’t have the energy, so I agreed. We agreed to put off the meeting that I would take two weeks to rest, no writing or posting on the blog, after work nothing but sleep or whatever I defined as self-care. The no posting part really vexed me because I believe in consistency however I stuck to all the agreements. In my free time I thought of all the posts I could write and I felt like writing about my personal life experiences would not only encourage others to speak their truth but also let you get to know me a little better.
I was raped by a family member around the ages of 5 years old, at first I thought it was just a rough game that I told my mom about, this led to tests, pointing doctors and psychiatrist who I had to explain this game to. It wasn’t till many years later that I learned that this vile game was rape it wasn’t till 14 years later that I fully forgave the act and the perpetrator. I intend to write fully on this one day. It shaped me in that I learnt from a young age that the world is filled with people who are loved by many but are monsters behind closed doors. I learned that you can reclaim your power through nonviolent means and that forgiveness is an act of kindness to yourself. One of the most fundamental shifts was that I learnt what anger can do to you the person holding it, I held it for 14 years I thrived off it but it scarred me in ways that took a further 5 years to heal so now I seek better ways to manage my anger
Losing my brother
My brother died when I was 8, he died whilst he was an initiate, this was my first encounter with the finality of death. I would never see him again, spend Christmas or birthdays with him, he had been living in Transkei for a bit before he passed on and we (my other brother and I) were meant to go visit him that weekend. I tried desperately to remember my last encounter with him. This encounter has made me closer with my other brother, we might have an eleven year gap but we are thick as thieves. I have friends who do not get along with a sibling and can go years without speaking to them and I always say it’s because they believe they still have a “tomorrow” to fix things.
My Surrender to God
I grew up in a Christian home my dad was an elder, my mom became an elder a few years back and even contemplated being a pastor. Prayer was my friend my mom would wake us up at midnight saying the Holy Spirit said she should pray. I would be quick to remind her that the spirit woke her up not us (yes dear reader I said this in my head, my mom did not spare the rod). So I have been walking the walk however I took a decision to do a full surrender, I am still on the journey of renewing my mind and learning true obedience. Though it’s a deeply personal journey I have seen the results in every facet of my life.
My amazing family
I am an African so when I say family I do not just mean the nucleus family, I mean the cousins who are like sisters to me. I am blessed with a huge family back in Dutywa and going home is always great especially in December (when we are altogether). I am called by my clan name and I am loved just as I am. When I left for varsity my dad told me no matter what you do out there in the world never be too shy or ashamed to come home, that has been my true north since then that no matter what I will always have a place filled with people who welcome me baggage and all.
With each post I always seek that to create a space that allows us to speak our truth, feel free to let me know of some of the things that have changed you and what lessons you have learnt from them