Molweni, I am a huge fan of introspection and right now I am going through a process of renewing my mind and getting rid of self –deprecating habits.This began by accepting that not only is my brain going at 200 kilometers per hour but if it were a phone it has tons of apps open not sure where the music is coming from, or which apps are draining all the energy. Have no fear since I am an adult whose clocked life (lies) I have discovered that negative feedback is such an app
Let me give you an example, I will be having my meditation time and a thought will come in and be like why do you think this blog thing will work out? How often have you had great ideas and how many of them have come to fruition? Then a throng of self-doubting thoughts will literally come at me like bees attracted to honey along with the deafening buzzing sound.
For a very long time dear reader I would’ve have accepted those thoughts and let them overwhelm me crawled into my favorite fetal position and let the earth swallow me whole, but not anymore! You see by allowing these thoughts to roam freely has allowed anxiety to wreak havoc with what feels like paralyzing panic attacks and since I have chosen to not medicate I need to understand the root cause of all my bad habits.
Below are some of the lessons that I have learnt that are helping me with the negative thoughts, I am not saying they are a one size fit all type of lessons, you need to find yours and put in the work. I am saying it is a process and I am here for you and know exactly what you are going through
Lesson 1: It serves no purpose
Side Note: I am letting you guys into my innermost being so please tread lightly. For a very long time I would let the negative talk play in my head because I felt like if I punished myself long enough or expected the worst then it would magically exempt me from the real life pain. Uhm no let’s break that lie with the truth, expecting the worst or constantly punishing yourself only trains your brain to look for situations to confirm your worst suspicions, it only ensures you are always expecting the worst. Health wise it means you have never ending migraines.
Lesson 2: You start to believe your own lies
This was the hardest thing for me to accept, I had allowed these thoughts to roam around in my head for such a long time that I started to believe this was my genetic makeup. I believed the negativity without any proof or rebuttal.
Lesson 3: Changing the script
So how have I improved to a point that I can not only write about it but be able to push through past the negative feedback?I have listened and written down all those thoughts and where necessary written down the truth or just laughed them off and no longer allowed them in. Like when they start I am like nope no I am not the one. I have had to learn to treat myself with much more kindness, that meant accepting I didn’t like myself much cause I just spoke to myself any way I wanted to.
Lesson 4: Focus on Good
I have had to spend as much time spent focusing on bad, now focusing on good. Our mind is a muscle so it needs to be trained and the rest will become muscle memory.
Lesson 5: It takes a village
For me what is really important is that if you feel like you are not emotionally strong enough (yet) to get rid of the negative feedback alone then seek help whether professional or from close friends and family. Always remember you are not alone. Somedays you just gotta push through regardless if you feel strong enough, your inner strength might surprise you.
As always thank you for your non refundable gift that is your time, I always enjoy engaging with you, what have been some of your self-defeating habits and how have you overcame them?