This post was inspired by true life events…cue epic music that lets you know that things are about to go down and that your life will never be the same again.
A dear friend of mine and I were having a chilled conversation, when she related the story of her male friend who had seen a pic of a cute girl off, of her phone. Said guy mentions how this is his friends type but the problem is his not the settle down type more hit it and leave thus leaving girl devastated. My friend then asks the guy why would he assume the girl would be a whole devastated?Better yet how would he even know the girl would give this guy even the time of day? This story led to me also relating my own interactions with the opposite sex .Seeking clarity I have even asked my guy friends before men ask women out do they even try to figure out if they are each other’s type or on the same level? The answer is always a resounding no, men most of the time ask a girl out as a gamble not as a result of seeing someone who’s a type or natural attraction
Barely a month later and I am reading Lean in by Sheryl Sandberg where she mentions a Hewlett Packard study, that found women only apply for jobs when they think they meet 100% of the requirements, whilst men apply when they think they meet 60%. Sheryl even mentions that at her previous job at Google men were applying for positions that hadn’t yet been created.
After all of this I had that atomic bomb mushroom effect, I knew I had to read up more on this topic, my own experiences weren’t enough I had to feel qualified enough to write about this proficiently. Then I came across a tweet that sparked a similar debate, a tweet by Sarah Hagi.
This tweet had many women nodding in agreement, this meant besides all the legitimate institutionalised issues that are we are currently bulldozing in order to break the ceiling. We are now also fighting an internal battle: that of the imposter syndrome. “A syndrome where qualified people feel like frauds and that they will be caught out at any moment.” This is a legitimate syndrome that affects both men and women but does not hold back men as much as women.
“women have to prove their competency; men have to prove their incompetence.”
Having read all of this, I hope you are riled up, I hope you have been nodding your head to a point where you are massaging your neck. Most of all I hope you are ready to disturb the peace, we need to fake it till we make it ladies. We need to have the confidence of men until we really have it, we need to stop second guessing our opportunities, our gifting’s and our natural talents. Apply for that job, start your business and when you at the table do not curtail yourself in order to fit in to the boys club.
You see whilst you are busy making sure that you dot your I’s and cross your T’s incompetent men are leading countries with no qualifications or experience, men whom you have surpassed in your varsity days and in boardrooms are being promoted to partner. Remember that confidence is attractive and is besties with positivism and will allow you to live your best life now. In 2019 may we have the confidence of average men. *takes sip of tea, oh snap it’s all spilled to the floor*.