Defeated, depleted, exhausted and all around triggered. These are some of the emotions that I feel. Woman abuse/ Femicide has once again come to the forefront, cause let’s be honest it hadn’t stopped. I know I am not the only one experiencing a turbulence of emotions, you need only go on your timeline. Yet I do not want to become a prisoner of hopelessness, I want to be part of the change. Often I shy away about writing about these topics when they are trending, I am no fame hog also I struggle to articulate what I feel, who am I kidding I can barely process it. Writing is my therapy and this blog is my journal. So today I thought let me share some of my sentiments, perhaps they will help someone but mostly, I will be able to write again. The state of our country has affected every facet of my life. Perhaps a purge of my thoughts on pen to paper will help.
Can we finally address the perpetrators?
It’s not enough focusing on the victims and policing womyn. Telling us how to dress, how to act and where to hangout. Just the last weeks news reels have confirmed, we can’t run errands, go to school, play in our neighbourhoods or even take a cab or trust our own partners. Nowhere is really safe.What we need to do is start the change in our circle of influence. Call out people who make rape jokes, who think unwanted touch (sexual and non-sexual) is ok. We need to hold series of conversations. Whether amongst our friends, in halls, in dialogues where we discuss consent, patriarchy and all things related to rape culture. We need to be willing to self-reflect and be ready to be a villain, admit our guilt in all of this.
Thuma mina where art thou ?
Our government needs to be held accountable. When they finally speak, they either victim blame or sound like they commenting on the weather. Where are the real actionable solutions? Don’t tell me of the functions held in woman’s month. How effective were they if five days later we are even scared to go the post office? Police officers need to account too. Remember the woman raped by a police officer she went to go report her rape to? What changes are the police implementing? Are they really doing background checks on their intakes? How come police officers with protection orders against them still get to carry their guns?
Whilst we wait
Continue being vigilant. Whenever I hike, I take the registration number and send it and the description of the car and driver to friends. I am definitely considering getting pepper spray. Try not to stay in the same routine or same hangouts. Because you will get comfortable and not realise when someone doesn’t belong in that area or someone is following you. There are so many ways to stay safe that it almost feels like we in some sort of prison and it can be exhausting but sometimes it can save your life and most times not.
Say their names
We need to not forget these amazing woman whose bright lights are snuffed out in the most violent of ways. We need to as much as possible ensure that their perpetrators are held to account. Family members, friends of perpetrators need to speak out. I don’t mean the “he was such a kind’ nice person” trope say what he is, a deceiver of the worst kind. Mention how he continued on with life as if he had not taken someone’s life like it was his to have.
Take care of you
It’s ok to switch off from social media for a bit. It’s ok to feel shattered by these news even if you do not know these women personally. It’s ok to go on the defensive and be more vigilant of the people you let into your life. More than anything it’s definitely ok to hug our loved ones a little harder and longer.
Sometimes I wonder if words are enough. I don’t want to get angry, sad and move on with life.That’s why I want to be part of the solution, because enough is truly enough. I want the economy to come to a standstill until government gives us real tangible solutions. I refuse to apologise for being born in this body. What are some of the emotions that you have been going though? What are some of your #metoo experiences? Please let me know on the comments section I always enjoy engaging with you.