Mental health, Wellness

Why the people pleasing trait needs to go

Molweni, I am not sure if it’s a combination of the fact that I am soon turning thirty or it’s just too exhausting or it doesn’t serve me. In short I have decided that the people pleasing trait needs to be left in my twenties. Perhaps you read today’s post because you think you are a people pleaser and you need suggestions on how to kick this habit? Fear not Guru Sandy is here (yes I just gave myself a new title, go with me here).

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“Oh Guru Sandy how do I let this trait go?” Well dear friend you have to first find out whether indeed you are a people pleaser. If you say yes to more than one of the bullets below then you yes you most likely are.

How- to spot if you truly are indeed a people pleaser

  • You cannot say no
  • You never say what you want to say – often not admitting your feelings are hurt
  • You want everyone to be happy-even at the cost of your happiness
  • You need peoples praise to feel good

Why – it has to go?

I mean really now do I have to spell it out? It’s self-defeating. It is physically impossible to make everyone happy. You will most likely suffer emotional burnout from all the things you have said yes to. So how do I change Guru Sandy ( again go with me, its most likely the first time and the last I will be called a guru even by me).

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Change

Start with small no- I believe real change is slow and steady. Also you are so used to saying yes you will most likely have to practise saying no in front of your mirror or cat.

Internal validation – If we are honest with our selves the main reason we have this trait is low self-esteem. This was a bitter pill for me to swallow. Oksalayo I swallowed it and worked harder on my self-esteem. I no longer need others to say what a good human I am through my deeds. I just am a good human.

Bye Felicia- Another bitter pill is that we most likely have friends who benefit from this trait so they encourage it. So let those friends go or they will make you feel guilty of the healing process you on. Or worse they will keep trying to remind you of past you. Please show them the closest exist.

Stick to your personal boundaries- Yet another reason you most likely clung to this trait, you are afraid of creating boundaries. Boundaries do not keep people who want to be in out. They are good for everyone involved keep them clear and stick to them.

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Finally remember that this trait is all fear based. Fear of being unaccepted and not being good enough. Dear reader it is so unbelievable how enough you are. You are love and as such all that you do should emanate from that let go of fear. Do you also suffer from the people pleasing disease? Be sure to let me know in the comments section. Do not forget to subscribe (it’s free) and thank you for the non-refundable gift that is your time.

2 thoughts on “Why the people pleasing trait needs to go

  1. Dear Guru Sandy

    I agree with you wholeheartedly. I have spent my entire life on a mission to make sure those around me are happy. I somehow feel personally responsible for other people’s feelings and situations. And yes, it is exhausting. Saying no js a work in progress

    1. Thank you my child for using my title correctly. 🤣 🤣 But seriously saying no is hard. I also was a people pleaser but honestly it made my anxiety worse so it’s a journey I’m definitely halfway there 🌗 ♥

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